They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
