Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
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