i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
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