Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
