just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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