Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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