who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
