So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
