She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Randomize