ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
