38 yer olds are good kisserssss
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
