so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
We smell like vodka and hangover
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