You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
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