hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Randomize
