He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Randomize
