anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Randomize
