Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
