Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Randomize
