We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Randomize
