i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Randomize
