I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
