Umm I'm too high to move.
Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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