Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
