Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
operation harelip BJ is a go
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
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