Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
