I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Randomize
