It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Randomize
