i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
