You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
