oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
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