she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
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