well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize