just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize
