I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
false alarm, still single
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
