I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
