i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
