Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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