I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
