So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
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