Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
i now understand why vodka
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
