I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
