If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Randomize
