I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
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