I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
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