Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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