yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
