my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
