Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
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