Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
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