I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
