I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
two words: eviction party
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
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