the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
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