i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
nutella sex= disaster
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
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