I'd wear matching sweaters with you
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Randomize