my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
