I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
you traded sex for a burrito?
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
There's even glitter on my cock...
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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