he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
