Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
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