I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
