If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
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