i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize
