if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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