maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
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