Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Randomize