Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
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