Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Randomize
