She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
