Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
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