Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
You need Xanax blowdarts
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
