So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
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