He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Randomize
