I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
i already hear my dad disowning me
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
