i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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