I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
