Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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