Please, let me fuck your mom
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
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