from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Randomize
