Christians are straight up FREAKS
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
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