the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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