We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Randomize
