I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
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