I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
