Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Randomize