I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
I wish you could order shots online.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
50% drunk capacity currently
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Randomize
