I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
