he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize
