??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Randomize
