he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
