I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
Randomize
