I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize
