White coat. Heels.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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