hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
