she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
i love accidental penises.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Randomize
