shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize