She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
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