I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
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