i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Randomize