I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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