Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
don't judge my taste in strippers
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
