Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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